(KS) How do you want to die? Domestic Violence Victim Claudine Dombrowski seeks redress grievances – a First Amendment right- Battered Mothers Custody Conference

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice.

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Compelling stories from parents and grandparents about problems with placement and removal of children

By Earl Glynn On December 4, 2009

Listen to Claudine Dombrowski:

 

 

 

 

 

       Listen to Claudine Dombrowski:

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://kansas.watchdog.org/2009/12/04/compelling-stories-about-problems-with-placement-and-removal-of-children/

 

Claudine Dombrowski

Claudine Dombrowski: An abused mom victimized again by the Kansas Courts

Read details in written statement.

This is an truly incredible story that should never have happened in America. 

Parts of the Kansas Judicial system should be disciplined for how it has victimized Ms. Dombrowski, who was an abused mom.

Instead of quotes from the audio, please consult these pages that document Dombrowski’s long and difficult battle to protect her daughter:

• Claudine Dombrowski Photos of Abuse

As you view these photos keep in mind that the court awarded FULL CUSTODY of their daughter to the “man” who did this to Claudine.

• Courts Have Continued Abuse of Manhattan Women, Manhattan Free Press, July 12, 2001.
• Manhattan resident fights custody battle for daughter, Kansas State Collegian, July 26, 2001.

State Rep Bill Otto: “No crime? You haven’t been guilty of anything? This is a court order that says you can’t go to any school functions?”

“I was under court order till 2004 to not even call the police after I was being beaten because … I was not ‘co-parenting’”

Dombrowski: “These friends of the court make recommendations to the judge. The parents … don’t have a right to see these documents. They do this behind closed doors.”

Otto: (To Secretary Jordan): “You have no rights as a parent …?”

Secretary Don Jordan: “This would be something extreme … I’m not familiar with the situation.”

Otto: “Can a judge do that? … Is that legal… ?”

Jordan: “Under the right circumstances … I hesitate to speculate.”

Sen. Roger Reitz: “This is something that only … the judicial system can really answer … It would be helpful … to have someone … representing the judicial system … to give us some ideas how this could happen.”

Dombrowski: “When you are a victim of domestic violence, and suddenly there’s a child involved, the typical …. power of control is that ‘I’ll take your children from you’. They will and they can the way the laws are setup.” …

“I was told that I’m not to talk to my daughter about the violence. That’s why I don’t see her. That’s why I see her supervised. He was criminally convicted. “

“When women try to get away from people who hurt them … I heard somebody say it’s really hard to believe you won’t call the police … I tell people not to contact the police, because as soon as you walk into court with a DV (domestic violence) and children, you’re already cutting your throat. You will lose your children. That’s the way it is right now.”

“… on the 16th of this month I’ll probably go to jail for breaking the gag order and talking about [being the victim of] violence as it relates to my case.”

Reitz: “… someone ought to be able to deal with this in a way that would address her problem. It doesn’t seem like we’ve done the right thing with regards to this little niche of the law.”

Dombrowski: “The criminal convictions are completely tossed aside and they don’t have any bearing on the family court … The eight criminal convictions that my ex had before getting custody of my daughter were completely dropped [in family court]“

Chair Kiegerl: “I cannot believe that abuse is totally ignored. I cannot believe you can prohibit a person from speaking about their own case.”

“The one thing [where] … I disagree with you is abuse should always be reported.”

State Rep Peggy Mast (R-Emporia): “Domestic violence is a control issue. Sexual abuse is a control issue. Is there any correlation between domestic violence and sexual abuse? Why is that not something that is considered when we take someone to [family] court that has a history of domestic violence?”

Dombrowski: “Yes. That is something I’ve asked myself for 16 years. … It comes back to the family court that has a veil of immunity. … They don’t fully understand the impact of the violence. What battered women have … if they report the abuse, then they’re failing to protect their child … if they don’t report the abuse, they’re still failing to protect their child. So, both ways, they’re going to lose their children …”

For anybody who abuses their wife … [from] a 1996 presidential task force … there is a 70% increase that those children will be abused and/or sexually abused after there’s been battery with the mother.

Sen. Oletha Faust-Goudea: “In 2004 …. I talked with the homicide department in Sedgwick County…. During that time there had been 21 homicides in Sedgwick County and 18 were due to domestic violence …”

“A lot of women do make those phone calls and unfortunately, sometimes it ends in their death.” …

“I want to apologize to you for being treated like a pedophile … not being able to go to a music concert.”

“I commend you for what you’re doing.”

Dombrowski: “I have not talked to my daughter in 10 years [except] for the confines of supervised visits. I’m not allowed to talk to her about anything. All she knows is what her dad has told her.”

Listen to Claudine Dombrowski:

  ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  Claudine Dombrowski: An abused mom victimized again by the Kansas Courts

Posted in Children, Kansas Government by kansaswatchdog on December 4th, 2009

Testimony by Claudine Dombrowski at the hearing of the Kansas Joint Committee on Children’s Issues on Nov 30, 2009 in Topeka about problems with child placement and removal.

Listen Now: Standard Podcasts: Hide Player | Play in Popup | Download | Embeddable Player |

 

______________________________________________________________________________

Claudine Dombrowski -Media 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000

 

 

 

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody:
A National Crisis

The Seventh Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference
BMCC VII:  Now that we know, what are we doing about it?

 

[IMPORTANT: The following audiovisual piece includes real-life interviews featuring disturbing verbal content and statements on child abuse and domestic violence. Viewer discretion is advised.]

Prof. Garland Waller produced "Small Justice: Little Justice in America’s Family Courts" which is an independent documentary that explores the relationship between domestic violence, child sexual abuse and custody laws in America. To learn more about the stories of the women seen in this 10 minute clip, please go tohttp://batteredmotherscustodyconferen…
Jessie Beers Altman, a graduate student in the College of Communication, was in charge of editing this video.
For more information of Boston University’s Department of Film and Television at the College of Communication, visit: http://www.bu.edu/com/ft

 

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Domestic violence is on the rise in Shawnee County: Survivor Claudine Dombrowski and DA Chad Taylor Interview

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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Domestic violence is on the rise in Shawnee County

 

How many must die”

By Jessica Drew

Domestic violence on the rise

Domestic violence on the rise in Shawnee County.

 

"I remember curling up in a ball to protect her from the kicks," domestic violence survivor, Claudine Dombrowski, described.

Claudine Dombrowski is a survivor to domestic violence, a cycle she went back to many times. "I had a choice I could see my daughter or I could never see her again. The abuser had complete control, so I got my daughter back and went back to him."

Going back to an abusive relationship is a problem District Attorney Chad Taylor said his office sees quite often. "We see it everyday, and it’s just a matter of the psychology of the cycle of abuse," Taylor said.

The number of cases coming across Taylor’s desk is growing. "Our year to date projections for 2009 total is going to be an increase of about 80 percent for the domestic battery cases that we filed," Taylor said.

Claudine fights to help women like herself who have fallen in the hands of abuse. "This was the crow bar, and then I was beaten and raped," Dombrowski said.

She said she never reported her beatings until after her daughter was born.

Taylor said it happens often, "It goes from bruises to hospitalization, to like we said this is all about homicide prevention."

Claudine said even if you haven’t been a victim, you probably know someone who has and you can help them. "Don’t think it’s you…get rid of the scarlet letter of shame, it’s the most important thing."

Taylor wants to show there’s help out there for victims. "Making this a priority and letting people know that this will not be tolerated in our community," Taylor said.

Taylor’s office gave us statisitics on Domestic Violence in 2008 the DA’s office received 1267 cases, out of those 508 were filed. Starting from January 1st until October 16, 2009 there have been 1347 cases received, and out of those 849 cases have been filed.

One Domestic Battery charges, in 2008 there were 723 received and 246 filed for court. The projections for this year are 784 received and 443 filed, meaning an eighty percent increase on Domestic Battery.

Technorati Tags: Domestic,violence,Shawnee,Survivor,Claudine,Dombrowski,Chad,Taylor,Interview,Jessica,ball,cycle,times,daughter,abuser,relationship,District,Attorney,office,cases,desk,battery,homicide,prevention,haven,victim,letter,victims,January,October,projectionsNote: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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"Baby Killer" dad sentenced to 10 years in prison will only serve 5 (Saskatchewan, Canada)

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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"Baby Killer" dad sentenced to 10 years in prison will only serve 5 (Saskatchewan, Canada) from the blog Dastardly Dads

 

Dad JUSTIN COURTNEY pleaded guilty in the manslaughter death of his 10-month-old daughter back in May 2007 (the baby died from a fractured skull). He received 10 years in prison for that act. But now that sentence is being reduced to 5 years, despite an apparent "lack of remorse" on Dad’s part. Yup, that’s Canada. Real tough on child abusers and child killers.

http://www.newstalk650.com/story/20091214/26746

Ten Years For Baby Killer

Justin James Courtney will serve five years

By Sarah Mills

Posted December 14, 2009 – 4:14pm

A ten year sentence for a man who killed his own baby. Justin Courtney pleaded guilty to manslaughter in the death of his 10 month old daughter in May 2007.

A deplorable and unthinkable act according to the sentencing judge. But Justin Courtney will only serve five years of the ten year sentence because of time already served. Crown lawyer Mitch Crumley believes it was an appropriate sentence given the facts of the case.

"The nature of the offense, the background of the offender, the lack of remorse."

But Edwin Kennedy, Courtney’s father, believes, despite his son’s guilty plea, he didn’t act alone.

"They (he and his partner) were together, and my son wasn’t home all night?"

A pathologist stated the child must have received many forceful impacts to the head to cause the skull fractures that led to her death.

Posted by silverside at 3:06 PM

Labels: Canada, child death, head injury, murder

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Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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How do you want to die? Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The System Sends Mixed Messages to Abuse Victims by Randi James

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice.

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Randi James is a brilliant writer- her site is replete with information from the top to bottom -thx you Randi James!  http://www.randijames.com/

Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The System Sends Mixed Messages to Abuse Victims

Do you stay, or do you leave?

If you haven’t been a victim of abuse, or a victim of the legal system, you may not be able to understand why this is even posed as a question.

Of course you should leave!

I mean, who deserves to get beat up and/or sexually assaulted in their own home…regularly…or even occasionally. Even as careful as you could try to be to make sure everything is perfect, so as not to anger your abuser, SOMETHING always sets him off…sooner or later. He is a time bomb. You are his target.

What does it mean to be a target?

When you are a target, all of your abuser’s anger is directed toward you, specifically. Typically, he doesn’t pull the same shit towards those who he considers his equals, or more powerful than he. This is about power. He needs you like capitalism needs slaves. He uses you so that he can feel better about his shortcomings. He doesn’t know how to feel good without you.

But he is a good father. He doesn’t beat the kids.

You’re right. Good fathers don’t beat their kids…But nor do they beat up on women to whom they are temporarily, or permanently committed. Getting beat in front of your children doesn’t exactly send the kids a good message. In fact, they are put in limbo because your kids will either

A) Side with your abuser because he is more powerful and gets what he wants, or

B) Side with you in attempt to protect you…But let me break that down a little more

1) In protecting you, your children become targets, and the moment will come when they take blows for you

2) In choosing to side with you or not, your children will mimic the behaviors they have seen and normalize them.

Is this what you want?

I hope not because if some outsider reports what is going on in your household, CPS will come knocking and your kids may be gone before you ever get a chance to ask questions. You will be charged with neglect, endangering your children, or failure to protect.

Why?

Because everyone on the outside thinks you should have just left. You are themother. If you didn’t leave, you must be an accessory to the abuse.

What mother allows her children to get abused?

And what mother lets her children watch as she gets abused?

You must be a bad mother. You don’t deserve to have children. If you’re lucky, maybe your relatives will do you a favor and step in and raise your children for you. If not, foster care will do a great job…because it is indeed a job when they are getting paid.

Maybe you have a chance though, if you would just leave.

That seems like the best idea. Leave.

Wait!

Are you going to tell your abuser in advance, or are you going to sneak out in the middle of the night?

Remember, he needs you…is he going to agree to all of this?

Who the fuck do you think you are leaving him, and taking his children?

He owns you. He’s paying the bills. He’s the reason you can stay home and take care of his children.

If you go, you have reason to be fearful. Get a lawyer and a restraining order. But, back up a little. The lawyer says, if you take out a restraining order, in the near future, the judge in family court could use it against you. He (the judge and your abuser) may say this was part of your vindictive scheme to get the kids and the money and the house and the car. Restraining orders don’t prevent you from being harmed though anyway, because you still have to rely on law enforcement to act.

Get the restraining order anyway.

You’ll have record of what you tried to do, in case the news opts to report it upon your "tragic" death. But you can’t put the kids on the restraining order…Silly woman! You know fathers have rights!

In fact they have so many rights that if your abuser happens to get locked up, Responsible Fatherhood money will ensure that he has the means to transition back into his caretaking, father-role (don’t roll your eyes, we know you were doing the caretaking, but you’re not important and this is politics).

Go ahead and report the entire history of abuse.

You do have pictures, right? You mean to tell me in all these years that you have been getting assaulted, you weren’t taking pictures of your injuries and saving them in a secret location?

Did you at least tell the doctor? Is there anything in your medical record?

Where are your vaginal tears, bruises, scars?

In talking to police without evidence (or with it), your case will seem suspicious. It will be your word, against your abuser’s. Your local DA will be hesitant to take the case…well, hesitant is an overstatement because he may not even acknowledge you. DA’s only take cases they can win. DA’s aren’t interested in intrafamilial abuse reports in the midst of divorce…

You have bad timing. You should have reported this before you were trying to separate. Oh, whoops, I forgot, they would have charged you, too!

Maybe you can work things out peacefully without involving the court.

When was the last time you worked things out "peacefully" with an abuser?

In good conscience, you allow your abuser to continue to have a relationship with the children he didn’t abuse, well, directly abuse (or at least you think so). I don’t know if you are really doing him a favor, or rather doing as the court would order you to do so, because you do know that the court will order you to do it, right (askMs. Leichtenberg and also ask the Paul family…family, because Monica Paul happens to be deceased)? Father’s rights.

I know, I know. Yes, you have been abused, but now, yes, yes, you will be court ordered to continue to have a relationship with your abuser because kids deserve both parents. If you try to resist, they will call in the child custody evaluators and Guardians ad Litem and they will say things you would never imagine…because you ARE crazy, aren’t you?

What mother would keep a father away from his children?

You know your abuser best

You know that when he makes threats, he can carry them through. You know if you don’t meet his demands, you and your children will suffer. But if you try to protect yourself and the children, you risk losing custody to your abuser. And why would you want to put your kids in that situation? They don’t want to live with him and if they do live with him, you already know how their lives will turn out. They will be like lost souls.

Sacrifice yourself…like Jesus Christ. Maybe you were put on earth to suffer for the sins of others.

You were supposed to be omniscient–to know that this man you chose would end up being an abuser.

You were supposed to be omnipresent–to know that this man would abuse your children while you were away at work, or school, or while he was away with the kids.

You were supposed to be omnipotent–to protect yourself and your children and to be able to hide and simultaneously remain visible, and to be able to leave your abuser, but let him remain in your life.

How do you want to die?

What do you want the news to say about you when you are murdered?

That you were nice? No, they won’t say that! The neighbors and other members of the community will say how nice your abuser was. He was a family man. He played with the kids in the yard.

Everyone will be so shocked and sad that this happened. No one knew that you and your children were getting your asses kicked on a regular.

Your family may’ve thought you were crazy, or a bad mom, so they may’ve distanced themselves from you a long time ago. In fact, they may have ADORED your abuser.

Your children’s friends will not come forward. They are children–either they won’t tell anyway, or their parents won’t let them.

You know who else might know? The teachers. But teachers are so busy disciplining and teaching to the test…and besides, it’s too late for them to come forward now.

You see what you get for pretending and ignoring and trying to keep the family together? No credit.

Maybe the media will pull your court record and note that you tried to get a restraining order, but you didn’t show up. More than likely, they will relay gossip about how you were having an affair and how you were always provoking your abuser. Because violence is mutual. Girls hit, too.

Didn’t you know in advance that he was easily provoked? You should have checked his criminal record, or asked his ex.

Maybe your children will die, too. But everyone will talk about how tragic it was andhow innocent they are. They, not you, because you had to have done something to make a nice guy want to kill you.

Or maybe you wanted to be killed, because who stays with an abuser anyway?

See Also: Carl Brizzi: Prosecuting Battered Women

Indiana’s Bench

The Paradox of Recusal

Minnesota Supreme Court Allows Judge Timothy Blakely to Profit from His Fraudulent Earnings

In Texas and Florida–Court Ordered Exortion

Pennsylvania, Corruption, and Children, Just Like Florida

How Judges Set Up A System to Rig Cases for Fathers

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Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice.

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Domestic Violence Deaths Rising CJonline (KS)

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice.

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http://cjonline.com/news/local/2009-12-13/domestic_violence_deaths_rising

KANSAS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

There were 21,500 domestic violence incidents in 2008, according to Kansas Bureau of Investigation’s “Report on Domestic Violence and Rape Statistics in Kansas.”

In 2007, there were 22,429 such incidents. The highest number in the past 17 years occurred in 2000, when there were 23,236.

There were 19 adult homicides related to domestic violence in 2008 and 17 in 2007. The highest report for the past 17 years is 41 in 1993.

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Domestic violence deaths rising

| EMAIL | PRINT | COMMENT | SHARE

BY ANN MARIE BUSH

Created December 13, 2009 at 4:30pm

Updated December 14, 2009 at 2:37am

The slayings of Karen, Emily and Lauren Kahler and Dorothy Wight near Burlingame has brought the number of deaths in Kansas related to domestic violence this year to 32 adults and 13 children, said Sandy Barnett, executive director of the Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence.

"As of right now, with the year not being over, if we have no more (deaths), it would the third-deadliest year of the last 17," Barnett said. "We really don’t know why we are having such a deadly year.

"What I would like folks to remember is that each one of those was a person, and that they knew five, 10, 15 or 20 other people. The ripple effect, with 32 adults and 13 children, is that everybody in this state has been touched."

In 2008, 19 adults and 14 children were slain in the state as a result of domestic violence, Barnett said.

In the "Report on Domestic Violence and Rape Statistics in Kansas," the Kansas Bureau of Investigation reports that one domestic violence killing occurred every 19.2 days.

In 2009, there have been 118 homicides in Kansas. Domestic violence represents 26 percent of total adult homicides this year in Kansas.

"This statistically represents one adult domestic violence-related homicide every week," said Melissa DeDonder, with KCASDV. "The 2008 report had 11 male homicide victims. Of those 11 male victims, three were murdered by their partner. What these numbers also help indicate is that bystanders are also victims in domestic violence incidences. We saw that in the Kahler case with Karen’s grandmother."

The Burlingame deaths have thrust domestic violence killings into the media spotlight, but domestic and sexual violence occur all over the state every day, said Eileen Doran, program director of the YWCA Center for Safety and Empowerment.

"There are women who are in relationships who are sexually assaulted every day by an intimate partner, whether it’s their husband, boyfriend," she said. "In fact, many domestic violence situations include sexual violence against the victim."

Sexual abuse played a part in the marriage of Karen and Kraig Kahler, said Dan Pingelton, Karen Kahler’s divorce attorney in Columbia, Mo. Citing physical and sexual abuse, Karen filed for divorce in January 2009 after 23 years of marriage.

On March 16, Kraig Kahler was arrested on suspicion of third-degree domestic assault, and his wife decided to file for an order of protection. In September, he was asked to resign from his city position in Columbia, Mo.

In a written statement detailing several incidents, Kahler said she was concerned about her husband’s increasingly violent behavior. Karen Kahler wrote in documents "when it came to sex it was easier to comply with his wishes, or he would become ‘forceful and mean.’ "

On Jan. 4, according to court documents, Kraig Kahler became violent when his wife refused to have sex with him and wouldn’t stop until the couple’s daughters heard her screaming and came into the room and separated their parents.

Doran said oftentimes the violence escalates when the abuser is feeling threatened.

"They are not able to gain control by only the verbal abuse," she said. "Their need to get power or get control over the person’s behavior becomes greater. They feel the need to take additional steps to gain control. The threats become more serious.

"Often, a woman is at greater risk when they are about to leave or after they have left. Victims often remain in the relationship because of threats of what will happen. When something like the Kahler case does happen, you can imagine what that does to all of the women who have been threatened."

Most domestic violence offenders use some type of bodily force against their victims with the weapon of choice being hands, fists or feet. An incident of domestic violence most often occurs at home, and almost half of all victims receive physical injuries.

"In Topeka, every week, we see some pretty serious cases," Doran said. "There are women who on a weekly basis are badly beaten, stabbed. While we haven’t had a murder here in a while, we certainly have seen broken bones, fractured hips. Personally, I worked in Indiana before moving here, and I had two victims that I had assisted who were murdered. One was by a soon-to-be ex-husband and the other was by a former boyfriend."

The key to reducing domestic violence is to get the communities involved, Barnett said.

"We have to figure out how to address it so much earlier," she said. "These horrible tragedies represent the tip of the iceberg. The issue really is like an iceberg. Only a little piece of it seems to be visible."

Ann Marie Bush can be reached at (785) 295-1207 or ann.bush@cjonline.com.

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Deadly year in domestic violence in Kansas

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice.

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http://www.kansas.com/news/breaking/story/1097657.html

“BUT god forbid if you do leave before you get dead- (with children  The batterer takes them-!! Take your choice, is the current DV response to victims via the system-  Which dead do you want? I will repost  “Victims between a rock and a hard place”  by Randi James”

By ANN MARIE BUSH

The Topeka Capital-Journal

• Information from: The Topeka Capital-Journal,

TOPEKA, Kan. – The slayings of Karen, Emily and Lauren Kahler and Dorothy Wight near Burlingame has brought the number of deaths in Kansas related to domestic violence this year to 32 adults and 13 children, said Sandy Barnett, executive director of the Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence.

"As of right now, with the year not being over, if we have no more (deaths), it would the third-deadliest year of the last 17," Barnett said. "We really don’t know why we are having such a deadly year.

"What I would like folks to remember is that each one of those was a person, and that they knew five, 10, 15 or 20 other people. The ripple effect, with 32 adults and 13 children, is that everybody in this state has been touched."

In 2008, 19 adults and 14 children were slain in the state as a result of domestic violence, Barnett said.

In the "Report on Domestic Violence and Rape Statistics in Kansas," the Kansas Bureau of Investigation reports that one domestic violence killing occurred every 19.2 days.

In 2009, there have been 118 homicides in Kansas. Domestic violence represents 26 percent of total adult homicides this year in Kansas.

"This statistically represents one adult domestic violence-related homicide every week," said Melissa DeDonder, with KCASDV. "The 2008 report had 11 male homicide victims. Of those 11 male victims, three were murdered by their partner. What these numbers also help indicate is that bystanders are also victims in domestic violence incidences. We saw that in the Kahler case with Karen’s grandmother."

The Burlingame deaths have thrust domestic violence killings into the media spotlight, but domestic and sexual violence occur all over the state every day, said Eileen Doran, program director of the YWCA Center for Safety and Empowerment.

"There are women who are in relationships who are sexually assaulted every day by an intimate partner, whether it’s their husband, boyfriend," she said. "In fact, many domestic violence situations include sexual violence against the victim."

Sexual abuse played a part in the marriage of Karen and Kraig Kahler, said Dan Pingelton, Karen Kahler’s divorce attorney in Columbia, Mo. Citing physical and sexual abuse, Karen filed for divorce in January 2009 after 23 years of marriage.

On March 16, Kraig Kahler was arrested on suspicion of third-degree domestic assault, and his wife decided to file for an order of protection. In September, he was asked to resign from his city position in Columbia, Mo.

In a written statement detailing several incidents, Kahler said she was concerned about her husband’s increasingly violent behavior. Karen Kahler wrote in documents "when it came to sex it was easier to comply with his wishes, or he would become ‘forceful and mean.’ "

Most domestic violence offenders use some type of bodily force against their victims with the weapon of choice being hands, fists or feet. An incident of domestic violence most often occurs at home, and almost half of all victims receive physical injuries.

The key to reducing domestic violence is to get the communities involved, Barnett said.

"We have to figure out how to address it so much earlier," she said. "These horrible tragedies represent the tip of the iceberg. The issue really is like an iceberg. Only a little piece of it seems to be visible."

Technorati Tags: violence,Kansas,news,MARIE,BUSH,Topeka,Capital,Journal,Information,Karen,Lauren,Kahler,Dorothy,Burlingame,children,Sandy,Barnett,director,Coalition,Against,Sexual,Domestic,folks,person,everybody,result,Report,Rape,Statistics,Bureau,Investigation,reports,homicide,Melissa,DeDonder,KCASDV,male,victims,numbers,Doran,YWCA,Center,Empowerment,relationships,husband,fact,victim,marriage,Kraig,Pingelton,attorney,Columbia,January,March,suspicion,degree,wife,protection,September,statement,behavior,documents,wishes,Most,weapon,incident,piece,deaths,homicides,bystanders,incidences,situations,incidents,offenders,feet,injuries,tragedies,adults,third,icebergNote: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice.

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Herhold: A lethal child custody battle

 

http://www.mercurynews.com/top-stories/ci_13979457

By Scott Herhold

Mercury News Columnist

Posted: 12/13/2009 12:00:00 AM PST

Updated: 12/13/2009 08:35:33 AM PST

Click photo to enlarge

Daniel Tilbury, 34, is charged with killing his ex-wife,… ( courtesy sc county dept of corre )

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• Sign a condolence book for Kristine Ramos

This is the week that Fabian Gonzales is scheduled to tell his story in court, the story he told the officers on the night his fiancée was killed, the story he told me as he made dinner for his children. It is bloody and cruel but it is his story, a raw scar that will not fade.

In his narrative, one moment sticks in memory like the jab of a bayonet to the gut. It was the moment when his fiancée, Kristine Ramos, 33, looked at her ex-husband and said, "No, don’t" — her last words before the shots that killed her.

"You think when this happens, it only happens in the movies," said Gonzales, 38, a stocky materials assembler at a high-tech company. "My thought was, ‘Oh, my god, it’s really happening.’ I still hear the way she said, ‘No, don’t.’ "

Several years ago, I swore I would attempt no more stories about child custody battles. There were too many complications, too much truth for any one side to claim it all. And it would take me far too long to parse the real facts.

This story, however, has a victim who cannot be anything but a victim: Kristine Ramos. It has a defendant: her ex-husband, Daniel Tilbury, 34. And it has a narrator: Fabian Gonzales, who tells the story as a tribute to his love for her and the children she left behind.

Even when this week’s preliminary hearing is concluded — and after the case is eventually tried or settled — it will be the children who bear the brunt of this

tragedy, the unlikely combination of seven kids who melded far better than anyone had a right to expect.

Kristine Ramos, an independent and resourceful woman who was the daughter of former KPIX newsman Manny Ramos, started living with Gonzales four years before her death, when her marriage to Tilbury had disintegrated.

Ramos and Tilbury had agreed to share custody of their three kids, known as "the boys:" — Hunter, now 8; Jacob, 7; and Justin, 5. The boys were joined by four more kids: Gabriel, now 15, Kristine’s son by a previous relationship; Isaac, 10, Gonzales’ son from a previous relationship; and two children they had together: Madison, now 3, and Aidan, 2.

Despite the odds, this seemed to work in a creaky fashion. When the family went into a restaurant, no one talked of blending. The kids got along.

Then, a few months before the shooting, Tilbury got a job as a network engineer in Washington state — and by Gonzales’ account, talked of taking "the boys" with him.

Court order

Kristine Ramos was determined that this would not happen. Fabian says she preferred to compromise with her ex-husband. But when the idea of taking the boys out of state persisted, she obtained a court order giving her 100 percent custody.

"I don’t think he could handle the loss of control," Gonzales explained of Tilbury. "Once he moved to Washington and he realized we’d have the kids 100 percent of the time, he lost the last bit of control, and it drove him over the edge."

By Gonzales’ account, that set in motion the events of Dec. 29, 2008. Several days before, Ramos had let "the boys" visit their father at his parents’ house. This time, she called to tell her ex — firmly — that she wanted them back. The police say Tilbury then drove over to her house in South San Jose.

"Daniel walked toward us and pulled out a gun and shot Kristine several times, killing her in the presence of our kids," Gonzales said. "It was like I wasn’t even there. He was dead focused on her."

The other side

Is there another side to the story? Did the prospect of losing custody of his boys push Tilbury to rage? Tilbury’s attorney, deputy public defender Sylvia Perez, didn’t return my call. Neither did Tilbury’s parents, who had hosted his kids on the night Ramos was killed.

We know that there is a victim, a defendant and a narrator. And that narrator now is trying to raise half that family on his own: Isaac, Madison and Aidan. The three "boys" live with Tilbury’s parents, and Gabriel lives with a relative of Kristine’s. Gonzales says he tries to see the boys every other weekend.

You realize that Fabian Gonzales, this bereft and eloquent father who has to rise at 5 a.m. to get his kids ready for school before leaving for work, is trying to hold together the strands of his family by telling the story of what ripped them apart.

"How can I tell these kids just how great a mother she was?" he asked. "The single most important thing in her life was her children. She lived and died for her children."

Contact Scott Herhold at sherhold@mercurynews.com or 408-275-0917.

Domestic violence murders: Community and victims cry out for solutions

Domestic violence murders: Community and victims cry out for solutions

By Guest Columnist

December 12, 2009, 9:13AM

By BRUCE GOLDBERG, ROBIN CHRISTIAN and SYBIL HEBB

http://www.oregonlive.com/opinion/index.ssf/2009/12/domestic_violence_murders_comm.html

The domestic violence murders staining our region in the past month have been horrific and relentless. In total, 18 people have lost their lives in less than 30 days. Along with seven women, two young children were shot and killed along with their mothers, and an adult son died trying, unsuccessfully, to protect his mother. All eight male perpetrators committed suicide.

These tragedies have occurred across Oregon, in both urban and rural communities. One thing is clear: Domestic violence is a public health and safety crisis in our state with far-reaching consequences. Individuals, workplaces, schools and agencies are negatively affected. The toll on victims, children, families and communities cannot be measured.

We have a responsibility to our families and our communities to do better.

We join together to issue a statewide call to action. In the aftermath of these tragedies, government and justice system officials, policymakers and advocates are asking what could have been done to prevent these deaths.

We applaud the fast response of state leaders such as Gov. Ted Kulongoski, who is convening a group of leaders in law enforcement, advocacy and social services to look at how we can do a better job. A statewide critical and thorough review of each case by a multidisciplinary group will assess whether there were missed opportunities to step in, provide safety and avert these heartbreaking deaths.

Also, Attorney General John Kroger has announced that he is recruiting a special domestic-violence prosecutor to provide more support to families and local prosecuting attorneys.

In looking at the recent tragedies, several other compelling issues clearly stand out:

Shelter and safety services are not funded to meet the need. The recent murders highlight the fact that separating from an abuser is an extraordinarily dangerous period of time. Yet in 2008, more than 19,000 requests for emergency shelter by victims could not be met because of a lack of resources. Where did these victims and their children go in the middle of the night when no safe shelter was to be found? When a victim is ready to take the brave step of leaving, a comprehensive and coordinated safety net must be in place and accessible.

Child welfare intervention must be coordinated with domestic violence services. Approximately one-third of Oregon’s child abuse cases involve domestic violence in the home. When Child Welfare responds to these cases, it is vital that parents who are victims, as well as their children, receive immediate and supportive services so that adult victims can protect themselves and their children.

Domestic violence doesn’t stay at home when its victims go to work. As recent cases have illustrated, domestic violence perpetrators pose a threat at the workplace to victims as well as to their co-workers. Employers play a critical role in ensuring that victims understand their options and are supported in taking the steps needed to stay safe at work. Domestic violence training and safety planning will help managers identify warning signs and provide a safe environment for all employees.

Guns in the hands of perpetrators of domestic violence are a deadly combination. In every one of the tragic domestic violence deaths during the past month, the murder weapon was a gun. In several of these cases, there were prior instances of violent behavior. And in at least one case, the gun was used by a person who was not legally entitled to possess a firearm. A close look at our state and federal gun laws, and enforcement of those laws, will help reduce the incidence of lethal violence.

Women and their children have died in shocking numbers in the past 30 days. This is not the Oregon we know and love, and it is heartening to see state and local leaders responding.

State and community leaders must continue to come together and commit to ensuring change. The effort must be practical, effective and sustainable. We owe it to the victims, their families and our communities to learn from and act on the lessons of these tragedies.

Bruce Goldberg, M.D., is director of the Oregon Department of Human Services and director-designee of the Oregon Health Authority. Robin Christian is executive director of Children First for Oregon. Sybil Hebb is an attorney with the Oregon Law Center and the Alliance to End Violence Against Women.

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Halle Berry her memories of abuse: a Child of Domestic Violence

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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Halle Berry unlocks memories of abuse

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/celebrity/article6954699.ece

(Frank Trapper)

Halle Berry says her mother, Judith, was beaten at home

John Harlow in Los Angeles

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DRESSED in old jeans, wearing little make-up and holding a dripping paint brush, Halle Berry was almost unrecognisable as the luminescent Bond girl who became the first black star to win an Oscar for best actress.

Yet, standing in the hallway at a battered woman’s shelter, cracking jokes with wary children, Berry said this was where she belonged — exorcising the ghosts of violent men who haunt the star of Die Another Day and X-Men.

The 43-year-old actress has been a low-key volunteer on the night shift at the Jenesse centre in Los Angeles for years but has only now chosen to reveal this part of her life, discussing for the first time how her father beat her mother and how she escaped her own abusive relationships.

She hopes the publicity will help the six shelters run by Jenesse overcome the financial stresses of the economic downturn. In the past Berry has refused to talk about the beatings meted out to her mother by her father, Jerome Jesse Berry, who left her family in Cleveland, Ohio, when she was four. But she has said a boyfriend once hit her so hard she is still largely deaf in her left ear.

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Last week, accepting a “leadership” award in Hollywood, Berry said she and her elder sister, Heidi, were still recovering from witnessing the violence inflicted on their mother, Judith, a retired nurse who was born in Liverpool.

“I saw my mother battered, and could not do anything to stop it,” she said. “My father was tyrannical, lashing out at her for no reason. I felt the effects that had on our family — I’ve experienced what these women have gone through.”

She said her mother was still working out why she took it for so many years. “That is a deep question, and I am not sure she will ever come up with one answer. I have one answer to anyone in a similar situation — get out.”

Berry never forgave her father, a hospital porter, even as he lay dying with Parkinson’s disease in 2003. He sold his account of their estrangement to a tabloid “for a pack of beer and cigarettes”, Berry said.

She wondered if her parents’ relationship had affected her past romances.

She said: “I never had to run to a shelter, but I did choose the wrong partners. Not always good men. Luckily, in recent years, I have been smart enough to hit the door when violence even becomes a possibility. That is something I will not tolerate.”

After two marriages she feels more settled with her boyfriend, the Versace model Gabriel Aubry, and their 20-month-old baby girl, Nahla.

A former resident of the shelter said she did not realise the woman she called Halle Baby, who told silly jokes to her children, was a film star.

Technorati Tags: Halle,Berry,memories,Child,Domestic,Violence,Frank,Trapper,Judith,John,Angeles,COMMENT,RECOMMEND,jeans,Bond,girl,Oscar,hallway,woman,children,Another,volunteer,Jenesse,life,father,relationships,downturn,Jerome,Jesse,Cleveland,Ohio,LINKS,décolletage,Last,leadership,Hollywood,elder,Heidi,Liverpool,situation,hospital,porter,Parkinson,disease,account,estrangement,beer,relationship,partners,door,Versace,Gabriel,Aubry,Nahla,Baby,ghosts,marriages,women,boyfriendNote: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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The Family Court System Purposefully Masks the Abused and the Abusers

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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The Family Court System Purposefully Masks the Abused and the Abusers

From The Shared Parenting Disaster:

Abusers vs. The Abused

There is no logic in tip- toeing around the subject of who these movements are and what they really are about.
On one side we have the movement that promotes the following messages:

• Children are brainwashed by their mothers(Parent Alienation Syndrome)
• Statistics on violence against women are false(RADAR)
• Pathways to full custody for fathers(Shared Parenting)
• Mothers are mostly abusers(RADAR)
• Abused Children and Mothers are liars(false allegations)

On the other side we have a protective movement that promotes the following messages:

Fathers are responsible for the most dangerous forms of abuse that lead to death and disability.

• False allegations are a small factor in the Family Courts
• Violence against women and children is on the rise and acknowledged by Untied Nations as a world wide issue across all cultures and classes.
• Shared Parenting is inclusive of violent fathers
• Fathers are responsible for the most dangerous forms of abuse that lead to death and disability.
• Most allegations are not investigated in Family Courts and this process is often halted and sometimes legally barred from access to investigations in other courts.

The Family Court supports:

• Reporting cases to the media that are aligned with the first movements interests.
• Patriarchal models of family where the mother must do all of the work to foster relationships between the child and father even if they are abusive.
• That the Father is always right and the mother is mentally ill if she disputes this.
• Full custody to abusive fathers if the mother voices her concerns.
• Unsupervised access to fathers regardless of criminal histories of pedophilia, murder, drugs and violence.
• Punishing the child for speaking about abuse.
• Punishing the mother for trying to protect her child.

Family Court psychologists support:

The Family Court supports patriarchal models of family where the mother must do all of the work to foster relationships between the child and father…

• Using diagnosis’s that have not been approved by any scientific organization in the world.
• Recommending abusive practices such as Gardner’s, "Threat therapy" which involves threatening the child with isolation from key-stakeholders that can document and provide evidence of abuse.
• Nineteenth century recommendations on the model of family.
• Coercive control of the mother for the sole goals and purposes of ensuring that she will eventually break down.
• Using tests that are confirmatory bias towards mothers.

We have three movements that are aligned against one movement. This one movement has managed to not only survive but thrive regardless of the stakes. The reason why they have survived is that all actors strive to ensure that the facts that are circulated are correct and the motives are child focused with a secondary concern for mothers. In cases of family violence, the issues of abuse for both the mother and child are intertwined. The priority for the safety of both members are crucial, but not nearly enough to reach the status of protected from further violence and permanent damage from the current climate.
It is largely a case of organizational abuse where women and children in already vulnerable situations go to the family court believing wholeheartedly that these courts will provide orders to protect them. The problem is that most of the key-stakeholders are men that are fathers and some who have abused or are currently abusing. The best way to understand how these interests have dominated the family law practice is to look into previous cases of genocide and how large organizations aligned to commit it. One of the most well known cases is the holocaust, where thousands of members of the jewish community were murdered.

The problem is that most of the key-stakeholders are men that are fathers and some who have abused or are currently abusing.

It all began with the gold star, documenting how many there were of them and then isolating them into an area where they were tortured, murdered or enslaved. The techniques that were used back then were primitive, but effective in carrying out their goals. Today, we have a more complex world with more of an ability to monitor the masses more effectively.
Networking to achieve goals are now at our fingertips and thanks to facebook – we can track who is loyal to who. Compilation of information in the wrong hands could lead to future genocides. Most of our private information is available to anyone and in some countries people can find out where you live just by googleing your name. In the family court system, women are required to inform the courts if there is any violence or child abuse often at the beginning. The catch is that throughout the proceedings, lawyers (including yours), child protection workers and family consultants will work in unison to undermine your claims and even destroy the evidence that you have provided them.
On a mental level, they will they will often say that you don’t have evidence even if you have provided them hospital reports, affidavits from specialists and the abuser has a criminal history. Sometimes, they might include processes that don’t exist or obey only processes that were pushed in by the abusers movement. Most Family Courts have too much power to make decisions upon their own accord similar to the old, "at her majesties pleasure" which leaves a lot of room to instigate what some have considered an act of torture. Each case is often isolated to lead the victim to believe that they are the only one and that they will "help" protect the child. It is often too late before the victim discovers that the members worked together to not only diminish your ability to protect yourself and your child, but to ensure that either no one will know or that no one will believe you. That is why a majority of mothers that lost custody were for the reasons of mental illness and is not consistent with the average statistics of mental illness out side this organization.
A majority of the cases are only diagnosed by one practitioner – the family courts practitioner. In the process of pursuing information on what appears to be deciding on the best interests of the children, the information that is most valuable is often how much you might be aware of psychology, whether you could prove them wrong and how many people outside of the court community knows about your case.

a majority of mothers that lost custody were for the reasons of mental illness and is not consistent with the average statistics of mental illness…

In cases like these, one of the first instincts are to go to an authority about it. Most authorities are so ignorant or involved that these cases are often ignored. Thus continues the monopoly. The next instinct is to contact the media, but family courts can either order suppression of the case by using the child as a justification or in some countries use a general law that prohibits any discussion without the courts approval. This means that only cases that compliment the courts interests are getting out in the mainstream media. It also means that deaths that were a result of court orders are also withheld, causing more pain to families. So what we have here is a silent genocide. where children and mothers are being killed and no one knows who and why they are dead. The manipulation that goes on to ensure that grieving families do not speak out is abhorrent, but all too common. Like the Holocaust, the ones that are not dead are often tortured by their abuser and isolated from the only one that can help them – the mother.
Each time protective groups try to advocate they have the family courts abusers lobby group either bullying the media or threatening the advocates into silence and oppression. Maternal alienation was a grooming strategy that began with pedophiles in order to lock in the abuse. It is now a widely used systematic tactic to not only alienate the children from the mother, but deprive them for life. This is because they know that the earning potential when a protective mother has lost custody is more than the father as we know that fathers often give up a lot sooner and thus not as much revenue from court attendance and lawyers. They know that a protective mother will continue to return to the courts begging them for the children, especially when concerns for the child is amplified by the abuser. Keeping this extra business concealed from the public is a major priority that these courts will often attend to and worth investing in. It does not surprise me to see shared parenting councils have a public relationship with chiefs of courts or the government funding fatherhood programs that they know continue to harvest family violence. The downfall is that they often expect that survivors will indulge in the feeling of being beaten down or that they will forever be afraid of the laws that violate universal laws. More and more mothers are now discovering that breaking this silence is saving not only their children’s lives but also the lives of others. People who never knew what the inside of court room doors are beginning to know what is actually happening.
The united nations is beginning to work on divorce for families affected by violence and reporters have learned that the courts cannot stop them from reporting if everyone reports it in synchronicity on the internet.

shared parenting councils have a public relationship with chiefs of courts or the government funding fatherhood programs that they know continue to harvest family violence

The propaganda that has been spread out by the abusers is falling apart because it simply does not match the masses experiences. We’ve all been touched by family violence in some way or another. Not one person I know has not had a mother sister, daughter, grand-daughter or aunt affected by it as it is that common. As a society, we have just begun to learn the consequences of giving feeding abusers and now more and more people are making an effort to stop it from occurring. It is about time that family courts start to move with the rest of the world and let go of the interests that harm. If you are a human resources worker, then you have the power to change this by changing the culture of the courts so it reflects a real sense of transparency. If you are one of the law makers, then you have the opportunity to be the first to role model best practice laws in protecting children and women from violence. None of them are working as there is always a loophole that transform into a gateway for the abuser to the abused. Really listening to the women and children that have been affected by it is the first step, putting in tough laws that protect them and provide equal access before is the last step towards stopping violence from continuing and a conviction that you and your country do not tolerate violence against women and children. Only then do western countries honestly say that they do not tolerate it and have conviction when they ask other countries to do the same.

Technorati Tags: Court,System,Abusers,From,Disaster,logic,subject,movement,messages,Children,Parent,Alienation,Syndrome,Statistics,violence,RADAR,custody,death,False,factor,Courts,world,classes,Most,supports,cases,interests,Patriarchal,relationships,father,Full,diagnosis,organization,Gardner,Threat,therapy,isolation,Nineteenth,Coercive,bias,status,climate,orders,gold,area,Compilation,proceedings,protection,workers,unison,hospital,reports,abuser,history,Sometimes,accord,room,victim,authorities,Thus,instinct,suppression,justification,discussion,approval,result,pain,manipulation,Holocaust,oppression,Maternal,strategy,tactic,life,attendance,worth,relationship,government,downfall,People,reporters,propaganda,person,daughter,consequences,effort,human,worker,culture,transparency,role,loophole,gateway,conviction,Pathways,fathers,allegations,Nations,cultures,investigations,histories,recommendations,goals,purposes,actors,members,situations,organizations,techniques,lawyers,consultants,affidavits,decisions,instincts,deaths,councils,doors,makers,women,stakeholders,towards,genocide,practitioner,chiefsNote: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.

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